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7:10p Brad Taylor Negron: Hello....I am at the Beverly Hilton

Jim David: I'm currently under Tilda Swinton's dress.

DISGRASIAN: What's it like in there?

Jim David: I have my own video monitor.

Brad Taylor Negron: Ruby Dee is using up all the mascara.

DISGRASIAN: George Clooney just fellated Ryan Seacrest's microphone on E!

DISGRASIAN: Take a Tilda Swinton upskirt photo! It will be huge among a very niche, mostly gay audience! What kind of undergarments is she wearing?

Jim David: Ones borrowed from Bea Arthur.

Brad Taylor Negron: Jennifer Garner looks like an obese Maria Shriver.

Jim David: Where is Catherine Zeta-Jones when you need her?

Brad Taylor Negron: Diablo Cody is entirely too tattooed and looks as if she was just released from prison. A nice prison, but a prison.

DISGRASIAN: A leopard dress and diamond skull earrings...so edgy. Do you think she was once a stripper?

Jim David: Ryan Seacrest just asked Jessica Alba if she was going to breastfeed. I'm loading my gun.

7:15p Brad Taylor Negron: Everyone nominated was a stripper....Tilda Swinton bears an uncanny resemblance to Danny Bonaduce and swear I see Robert Blake in the background chewing gum and scaring Cameron Diaz. This may get dangerous.

Jim David: Jennifer Hudson is a large girl who's wearing white. Good for her, but she's getting way too close to Aretha Franklin territory. She looks like a couch. I think Tilda looks like Ron Howard (now that I'm out from under her dress I can see).

DISGRASIAN: Tilda Swinton = Eric Stoltz? All redheads look alike to me.

Brad Taylor Negron: All redheads are traced to the FARKEL FAMILY...I am glad that you are up for air from Tilda's Dress, I spent Halloween there 2004.

7:30p Jim David: My god Tilda--not even the slightest CONSIDERATION of makeup? Her face looks sandblasted.

Brad Taylor Negron: It's shocking...She looks like a WASA cracker.

Brad Taylor Negron: No Oscars for Old Men

7:45p DISGRASIAN: Heidi Klum came prepared for a rainy Oscar night in a couture life vest:

8:10p Jim David: Helen Mirren is the ultimate GILF.

8:15p DISGRASIAN: If you're into crepe-y boobs.

8:19p Jake Goldman: [Daniel Day-Lewis' Oscar Speech]
I'm trophy man. I have 19 trophy shelves in my living room, one in my basement and five in my face. Also, my arms are trophies. Now, let's say I have four trophy shelves in Piscataway, New Jersey....I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE. [does worm off of stage]

8:20p Brad Taylor Negron:....Hilary Swank just signed on to do the film version of Mr. Ed...

8:21p Jim David: She's finally grown into her teeth.

Duncan Quirk: Is Regis backstage with the Village People?

8:25p Jim David: Regis Philbin just called Javier Bardem "Xavier."

8:25p Jake Goldman: Regis Philbin apparently thinks Javier Bardiem is an X-man.

8:26p Jim David: Xavier Bardem...is that a Spanish bandleader?

8:30p Brad Taylor Negron: 'X' is hard for people.

Lauren Kirchner: Arts & "Sciences"?

Jake Goldman: This intro is TOO real.

8:31p: Is this a commercial for Grand Theft Hollywood?

Jake Goldman: All of this actually happened to me last night, the whole King Kong thing.

Duncan Quirk: So the first rule of the drinking game is to drink every time somebody mentions Heath Ledger.

Lauren Kirchner: Hi, I'm Jon Stewart, take me seriously even though I just came out of a cake icing tube.

Duncan Quirk: If I had an Oscar I wouldn't have to pay for sex.

Jake Goldman: If I had an Oscar, I would use it during sex.

8:35p Brandon Snider: If I never hear the name Diablo Cody after tonight...I'll be a happy man...

Duncan Quirk: My stripper name is Boomer Garfield.

8:40p DISGRASIAN: "If I had an Oscar, I would use it for sex." WHAT???

Duncan Quirk: Polishing your Oscar is very satisfying.

8:41p Jake Goldman: Streisand. More man-like everyday.

8:42p Duncan Quirk: She's a hermaphrodite, right?

Brad Taylor Negron: She looks exactly like my grandfather

Lauren Kirchner: Heather Locklear is like a strobe light for my epilepsy. If I had epilepsy.

8:45p Jim David: Barbra Streisand is the top female recording artist of all time, and can still sell out a stadium in 15 minutes. I am a gay man, do not mess with me about Barbra Fuckin Streisand

8:47p Brad Taylor Negron: Barbra gave me my break in my first movie The Main Event. If anybody is not into the Oscars, there a very special episode of Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet.

8:50p Jake Goldman: Daniel Day-Lewis can't NOT look a vampire.

8:50p Lauren Kirchner: Celine Dion can't NOT look like a mermaid-zombie.

8:51p Duncan Quirk: I wish Carson Daly was hosting.

8:52p DISGRASIAN: Charlie Chaplin speaks!

Brad Taylor Negron: That was SOOOOO cool.

Jake Goldman: I heard Anne Hathaway shows her breasts during these awards.

Duncan Quirk: Lord, we've been patient.

8:54p Brad Taylor Negron: Anne Hathaway looks Like a DUST MITE.

Bradon Snider: "If you like our chemistry on stage tonight, you'll love us in GET SMART!"

Jim David: The writers stopped striking for this shit?

8:55p Jake Goldman: What, you don't like hacky iPhone jokes?

DISGRASIAN: I would rather not see Anne's pale boobs.

Duncan Quirk: Ratatouille!

(Guy wins for best animator or whatever)

Jake Goldman: I felt like his guidance counselor was actually there...right behind me...breathing on me.

8:55p Jim David: I was so moved.

Brandon Snider: And we have an Iraq reference...from the animation guy...

DISGRASIAN: Ugh, another red dress with the shoulder cut out.

Brad Taylor Negron: It looks like the girls are all wearing the same dress...

Lauren Kirchner: No, guys, that makeup dude is really really good. Underneath, it's actually Eddie Murphy.

Brad Taylor Negron: Eddie Murphy is UNDER EVERY make job in this filthy town

Jake Goldman: And underneath Eddie Murphy is all of the Backstreet Boys

Brandon Snider: And underneath all of the backstreet boys...

Brad Taylor Negron: Ahhhhhh!

Brandon Snider: ...is Lou Pearlman.

9p Jim David: So far this show is as exciting as a Republican Debate...between Romney and Huckabee

Brandon Snider: Amy Adams needs a prop.

Brad Taylor Negron: I know.....let's watch a two part sweeps episode of HGTV's "My Kitchen Sucks!"

DISGRASIAN: I really can't tell the difference between Amy Adams and Isla Fisher.

Brandon Snider: There is so much chemistry between Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones...I can't stand it! Magical.

Jake Goldman: No one can.

9:05p Lauren Kirchner: I would like to point out that NYTimes.com has a huge front-page headline reading "Are the Oscars Worth All This Fuss?"

Jim David: Katherine Heigl said "I'm sorry I'm so nervous and not very good at this." well then GET OFF THE STAGE BITCH, there are plenty who ARE good at this, let them do it. Jeez.

Lauren Kirchner: And the LA Times sub-head is "Oscar Musings"

(The Rock appears on stage)

Brandon Snider: Ladies and gentlemen...the Scorpion King...does McMahon get a cut of this appearance?

Duncan Quirk: Best supporting actor = Optimus Prime

Jim David: The Rock? What the writers did was sit around and say, "How can we lose all the viewers in the first 40 minutes?"

Brad Taylor Negron: The "Rock's" real name is Dwayne Johnson. That's unplugged.

Jake Goldman: Dwayne Johnson has the poise and diction of a young Chris Burke.

Lauren Kirchner: I'm missing Bret Michaels: Rock of Love for this?

Brad Taylor Negron: This Golden Compass WIN is a tremendous set back for the VATICAN.

9:10p Lee Camp: "Old Country" just won best picture. I'm going to bed.

Brad Taylor Negron: Baby bumps are too much for me....Cate Blanchett should wear a top coat.

Jim David: They're playing Sondheim!

Lee Camp: Depp looks like a young Orville Redenbacher.

Duncan Quirk: http://www.orville.com/index.jsp

(French lady wins award)

Brandon Snider: Joan Van Ark looks amazing, doesn't she?

Duncan Quirk: Is it just me or does that lady look like she's from "Tales From The Crypt"?

DISGRASIAN: Donatella Versace just won an Academy Award!

Brad Taylor Negron: That is funny.

9:15p Lauren Kirchner: All these guys got Oscars and You! Can! Too! At OscarsWhosWho.com

(Flashback to Cuba Gooding acceptance speech.)

Brandon Snider: Jerry Maguire beget Snow Dogs.

DISGRASIAN: Oh, Cuba.

Lee Camp: Why is Oscar not anatomically correct?

Jake Goldman: It is for me. Because I'm a eunuch.

Duncan Quirk: Oscar had an accident.

Brandon Snider: Ladies and gentlemen...Jennifer Hudson's breasts...

Brad Taylor Negron: That Cuba Gooding flash back was like a recovered memory of childhood trauma.

DISGRASIAN: Ladies and gentlemen...Jennifer Hudson's side boobs...

Brandon Snider: When is Philip Seymour Hoffman going to play an attractive character?

Lee Camp: Ladies and gentlemen... Phillip Seymour Hoffman's boobs.

Brad Taylor Negron: Jennifer Hudson's dress went beautifully with her stretch marks

Lauren Kirchner: Why is Emile Hirsch not nominated for every single award tonight? Other than Man of My Heart?

DISGRASIAN: Javier Bardem is short.

Duncan Quirk: He's going to demonstrate his super powers soon. He's going to shoot Oscars from his fist.

9:20p Jake Goldman: I bought a cow-gun this afternoon

Brad Taylor Negron: Javier Bardem looks like my cousin who destroyed all my toys and hurled Red Velvet cake at me, and was always trying to gag me with a Chili Relleno. This broadcast is hard.

Jim David: He just said to his mother, "thanks, now you can die."

Brandon Snider: Mmmmm red velvet cake.

DISGRASIAN: I want to meet your cousin.

Lee Camp: Mmmmmm toys

Brandon Snider: Is chili relleno a euphemism?

Brad Taylor Negron: Yeah, and it's delicious.

Duncan Quirk: This salute was a long time coming.

Lee Camp: And now the binoculars we've lost in the past year

Brandon Snider: NOTHING from Down Periscope? Eff this!

9:25 PM Brad Taylor Negron: This Oscar show Needs Liza Minelli to come out and and have a full blown anxiety attack.

Lauren Kirchner: Dear Keri Russell, remember when you got a haircut and it was national news? Ah, innocent pre-war America.

Duncan Quirk: These dancers have some moves!

DISGRASIAN: Hey look! Black folk at the Oscars!

Lee Camp: Hillary should call it quits if Obama gets an Oscar.

Brandon: I heard that black people ONLY sing gospel songs...can anyone confirm?

Jake Goldman: Well, I'm quitting heroin now.

DISGRASIAN: I'm sorry, but black people really can dance.

Lauren Kirchner: You gotta beee yourself! Koyaaaaanisqatsiiii

Lee Camp: Quick, where's Cuba Gooding??

Brad Taylor Negron: Black Folk DO NOT sing Gospel Songs...and they never, ever wear WHITE. EVER.

Brandon Snider: I believe the children are our future...

Brad Taylor Negron: I believe that children.... are the Whitney Houston of the future.

Jake Goldman: They should have a wrist-cam for Owen Wilson.

Jim David: Owen Wilson's nose does not translate to high def.

9:30p

Brandon: "I donna speek Englisj"

Lee Camp: Neither does Keri Russel but she gave it a go

Duncan Quirk: Des pickpockets means "of the pickpockets."

DISGRASIAN: Why can't the French pronounce their Hs?

(Jerry Seinfeld appears as a bee.)

Lee Camp: Yeaaaa unfunny, Seinfeld!

Jake Goldman: Finally a BEE MONTAGE.

Brad Taylor Negron: There are so many French speaking people on this broadcast, I want to hide a Jew.

Duncan Quirk: We've got a few hidden somewhere in the office.

Lauren Kirchner: I was just thinking, "Bees don't have hair!" and then I was like, "Wait. Is that the only thing wrong with this picture?" Right, guys???

Lee Camp: Who was the bee wearing? I missed it.

DISGRASIAN: More red dresses! I feel like we're at a Chinese wedding.

Jake Goldman: Is there a lot of blood at Chinese weddings? Or just red dresses?

Brandon Snider: "There will be blood...at Chinese weddings"

9:35p Lee Camp: And now Kevin Spacey's hairline over the years

Brandon Snider: God bless Kevin Spacey that huge perv.

(Supporting Actress montage. Including Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan.)

Brandon Snider: Wait...did a WOMAN play a MAN? That's crazy! what is this, Madame Butterfly?

Brandon Snider: What will they think of next?

Jake Goldman: People playing bees?

Duncan Quirk: I will challenge anyone here to a chair race (the hall might be the easiest course).

(Tilda Swinton wins for best supporting actress.)

Brandon Snider: Tilda Swinton is a brilliant actress...but does she have mild albino-ism?

Lee Camp: She's wearing a bed sheet from an orgy.

DISGRASIAN:

Lauren Kirchner: Tilda is so mad that she won!

Duncan Quirk: Can't wait til Hannah Montana!

Brandon Snider: When we come back...Jessica Alba has 20 seconds to explain her existence...

DISGRASIAN: Did you hear? Jessica Alba is now Latina.

Jake Goldman: Jessica Alba IS Eddie Murphy

Lauren Kirchner: You guys, I'm changing the channel to HGTV. Amazing Log Homes is on.

(Lauren leaves the circle.)

DISGRASIAN: Lauren, would you mind liveblogging Amazing Log Homes? We really like architecture.

Brandon Snider: If Jessica Alba's breasts sneeze...there's gonna be a mess.

9:45p DISGRASIAN: "Inventors" is, like, a really hard word.

Brad Taylor Negron: Jessica Alba seems looks Like a Hippie Goddess who can "role her own."

Lee Camp: Tommy Lee Jones can snap a neck with one thumb. Who's sitting in front of him?

Brad Taylor Negron: Josh Brolin has the biggest head I have seen! He looks like a Mardi Gras float. Jesus, I want to throw beads at him.

Lauren Kirchner: That log home IS amazing. 30-foot vaulted ceiling in the kitchen? "Now you're cooking!"

(Coen brothers win for best adapted screenplay.)

DISGRASIAN: Whoa...somebody named Coen is stoned.

9:50p Brad Taylor Negron: Joel and Ethan Coen looked like they were doing errands. "Drop Dog off at Vet. Pick up Oscar. Get Brussels sprouts"

Lee Camp: Due to Patriot Act, the gov't can look in the envelopes.

DISGRASIAN: The Academy looks like fun!

Duncan Quirk: Academy voters are just like me!

Brandon Snider: I wish they had one of the Muppets describe this process instead.

Lee Camp: I thought he was a Muppet.

Duncan Quirk: Rolf was by far the best Muppet.

Lee Camp: Travolta thinks aliens pick the Oscars.

DISGRASIAN: Travolta just said "hither." What a gay.

Brandon Snider: What is Michael Bay's "process"??????

Duncan Quirk: If it goes boom, you get an Oscar for your room.

Brandon Snider: Travolta is bald. we all know it. Why doesn't he?

Jake Goldman: Michael Bay drives a speed boat into giant pillars. Each one represents a nomination and the ones left standing win? No?

Brandon Snider: This little girl (Mylie Cyrus) makes more money in a week than I've made in my entire life...and watching her live for the first time ever...I'm left wondering what the fuck is wrong with kids these days?

DISGRASIAN: Black folk at the Oscars, part II!

Jake Goldman: Bobby McFerrin just put a gun in his mouth

Brandon Snider: Hey mon!

Lee Camp: I heard they keep Abe Vigoda in a secret bunker so that the country can carry on in the event the theater is bombed tonight.

9:55p This Kristen Chenoweth song makes perfect sense, I don't know why you're all confused.

Brandon: Did I just see a bunch of old folks do a kick line?

Lauren Kirchner: These log homes are not that amazing I guess...they're just really big and self-indulgent. Hi, I want to live in a forest, but I also need a walk-in fridge?

Brandon Snider: Kristin Chenoweth is a 2 and a half threat.

Jim David: can you imagine how you would feel if you paid to see this?

Duncan Quirk: That's why 23/6 has us doing this.

10p Lee Camp: Is she not Dame Halle Berry?

Brad Taylor Negron: ...How many fat guys are on Lost?

Jake Goldman: This sound guy looks like Elton John and Kenny G collided.

Bradon Snider: Do you think these two (Seth Rogen and friend) swing?

DISGRASIAN: Guys, hang in there. This is the part of the Oscars where they let the ugly people out of their cages.

Lauren Kirchner: "Music..." the sound editor edited her own sound while she was giving the speech. TALENT.

Jake Goldman: Why are there so many different categories for sound?

Brandon Snider: Because they hate us.

Jake Goldman: How do people get into that tube on stage? Especially Forest Whitaker.

10:10p Brandon Snider: Magic. Dark magic.

Jake Goldman: I'm guessing they built it around him.

Duncan Quirk: It's like that movie The Prestige.

Brad Taylor Negron: This set looks like a CAT SCAN at Cedars.

Jake Goldman: What Forest Whitaker just whispered to Marion Cotillard: "Do you want to experience chocolate thunder?"

Brad Taylor Negron: She NEVER MENTIONED the name EDITH Piaf. How do you play a person and not thank them?

10:15p Brandon Snider: I can't wait to see her in the next National Treasure movie.

Jim David: Marion wins, and 90% of America says, "It's liberal Hollywood awarding France."

Lee Camp: That's "Freedom" to you.

DISGRASIAN: Ellen Page: "Thank you so much to the Academy for recognizing our little movie. This is so overwhelming. I mean, you know, you just, like, do your work and then you have, like, no idea...wait, WTF? I didn't win?!? Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!"

Duncan Quirk: I call shenanigans!

Brad Taylor Negron: I am shocked that Marisa Tomei did not win ANYTHING tonight. This Oscar show is a tissue of lies.

Jim David: You have no idea how much i am begging for NO END IN SIGHT to win best documentary so the winner can trash Bush and see who boos him. We need some sort of controversy.

Brandon Snider: Colin Farrell: you may remember him from the sex tape where he performed cunnilingus on a young lady?

Jim David: I saw it. It should have been nominated for best short.

DISGRASIAN: [Colin Farrell takes the stage. Wrings grease out of his hair. Asks P.A. for a wet nap. Almost slips, falls, dies, but doesn't.]

Brad Taylor Negron: Discovery Channel is having a DIRTY JOBS marathon...I wonder if they feature Jon Stewart hosting the Academy Awards...This is a dirty job.

Lauren Kirchner: Glen Hansard's eyebrows just won for best supporting actor(s).

Jake Goldman: Oh, good another montage.

Lauren Kirchner: Two dudes that consistently give me nightmares: Jack Nicholson, Tom Waits.

Brandon Snider: This montage is destroying me. This is why people hate America. This.

Brad Taylor Negron: I can't believe that in the movie...On the Waterfront...They had Venetian blinds in the car.

Brandon Snider: I miss Kevin Costner's career. Fin.

Duncan Quirk: I personally love The Postman. That movie is inspiring.

Lauren Kirchner: Renee Z officially no longer has eyes.

Brandon Snider: Why are none of Renee Zellweger's friends telling her that she makes terrible hair-related choices?

DISGRASIAN: These are the same friends who aren't telling her that she has the body of a man and her face hasn't moved in the last 6 years.

Lauren Kirchner: Oh my god, did Emile Hirsch even get INVITED? If you guys spot him, tell me.

Jake Goldman: I'm sitting on him

Brad Taylor Negron: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly should be called MY LEFT EYE.

Brandon Snider: Nicole Kidman got tangled in a rich fisherman's net.

Jim David: Nicole Kidman should start doing the Charleston.

Jake Goldman: I'm trying to balance an entire chair on my face.

Lauren Kirchner: I am juggling computers. There was a movie called The Shootist? That's just lazy syntax.

10:35p DISGRASIAN: Nicole needs more diamonds.

(Old guy gets some award.)

DISGRASIAN: This guy is so pre-MTV.

Jim David: This guy is great. He's 98 and makes perfect sense. Finally, some actual excellence and gravity. Everyone else in the room should feel ashamed.

Brandon Snider: He's pre-war. Pre Civil War.

10:40p Lauren Kirchner: Our competition: http://community.tvguide.com/blog-entry/TV...

Duncan Quirk: Don't give a link to our competition....we'll lose our fan base.

Duncan Quirk: AUSTRIA!

Jake Goldman: The WHOLE COUNTRY WON.

Brandon Snider: I vant to tank my familee.

DISGRASIAN: OMG. Austrians are so weird.

Jim David: I actually saw this movie yesterday, it was very good, about Nazi collaborators. Just make a Nazi movie and you're home.

Jake Goldman: Why are we still on this "Nazi's" thing?

10:45p Duncan Quirk: Did he just thank the Nazis?

DISGRASIAN: I still think Patrick Dempsey's best work was in Can't Buy Me Love.

(Actually it was in Loverboy. - Ed.)

10:50p Lauren Kirchner: Travolta's chin just swallowed the envelope.

(Best song goes to Once, despite Enchanted having 3 out of 5 nominations.)

Jake Goldman: I think Step up 2 the Streets should be eligible for this category.

Brandon Snider: Little girl got cut off.

Lauren Kirchner: Heartbreaking.

Brandon Snider: Just as a reminder...John Travolta is not only rich, but he has and flies a plane.

DISGRASIAN: I hear that private planes are really great for having gay sex in.

10:55p Duncan Quirk: And not bad for normal sex either. By the way the new Jon Stamos movie featuring P. Diddy is going to be tubular.

Lauren Kirchner: Hey guys, on the Discovery Health Channel there's a marathon of a show called The Truth About Food. What do you think the truth is? The girl from Once just inspired me to quit my day job.

Brandon Snider: Did Jon Stewart just describe Cameron Diaz as "beautiful and talented"?? Just checking...

DISGRASIAN: Cimenatography.

Lauren Kirchner: Post-JT Cameron Diaz: not as cool as JT-era Cameron Diaz.

11p Brandon Snider: Do you think Hillary Swank can fit her fist in her mouth?

Duncan Quirk: Both fists.

Jake Goldman: Hillary Swank can fit Hillary Swank into her mouth.

Jim David: Just one year, after they show the montage of dead people, I want them to say, "now please welcome the comedy of Dane Cook!"

DISGRASIAN: When we get to the end of this montage and Heath Ledger's picture comes up, we all drink.

Brandon Snider: Heath Ledger died???@?!?!?

DISGRASIAN: I'm sorry Brandon, I thought you knew. [Moment of silence.]

Jake Goldman: Why are these people clapping for death?

11:05p Brandon Snider: No love for Renfro?

Jake Goldman: NO BRAD RENFRO?!

DISGRASIAN: Did they skip Renfro? That's so effed.

Brandon Snider: Heath Ledger you just fucked Brad Renfro. I hope they gots boxin' gloves in heaven. I wish the Oscars has a montage of who they THINK is going to die next year. That would be much more interesting.

Lee Camp: Who is Tom Hanks?? Ohhhhh, Bosom Buddies!!

(Soldiers in Iraq present award.)

Lauren Kirchner: They sent Doogie-Howser-in-the-past to Iraq?

Duncan Quirk: They need doctors.

Brandon Snider: If those guys are doing this....who's protecting our freedoms????

Jake Goldman: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED (sorry). I hate myself.

11:15p Brandon Snider: Tonight's lesson: it's hard out there for a pimp...but not a married lady.

DISGRASIAN: Someone give her a Vicodin.

Lauren Kirchner: Tom Hanks...is he real right now, or digital?

DISGRASIAN: I think he looks Chinese.

Brandon Snider: You think everyone looks Chinese...i bet.

DISGRASIAN: I do think everyone's Chinese...that's why I poison your toys.

Lee Camp: We don't have good healthcare?? Shit!

Brandon Snider: If Diablo Cody wins I'm going to take a cheese slicer down my arm...

(Awaiting award for best original screenplay.)

11:25p DISGRASIAN: Wow! I, like, totally wear a hat and veil when I write, too! I love Diablo Cody!

Duncan Quirk: Cheese grater! cheese grater!

Brandon Snider: Di di mau brandon di di mau!

DISGRASIAN: Strip, strip!

Jake Goldman: USE INVENTIVE LANGUAGE.

Lauren Kirchner: Ellen Page looks as surprised as all of us that Diablo Cody won.

Jake Goldman: TAKE A WORD AND TURN IT INTO ANOTHER WORD.

Duncan Quirk: Drop the beat and drop the pants!

Lee Camp: Holy fizzle homeslice!!

Brandon Snider: "I want to thank my family for loving me for who I am"???? That makes one of us.

Ricky Camilleri (23/6 Associate Video Editor): Looks like Diablo's going to her dark room to cut for a while.

Jim David: At any second Diablo's dress was about to show us a little Juno!

DISGRASIAN: Hi Jim! I thought you had gone back inside Tilda Swinton's dress.

Duncan Quirk: Is Diablo preggo?

11:30p Brandon: Diablo WAS preggo but i guess life does not imitate art...

DISGRASIAN: That's one way of saying she's packed it on. I think Helen Mirren's teats are really restrained tonight.

Lauren Kirchner: Helen Mirren's diamond-studded-sleeves make me want to reach for the stars.

Jake Goldman: Pre-Oscar Production meeting: Director: So...you guys just wanna show a bunch of lists? Everyone else: Yeah, definitely. Director: Cool, let's have an orgy now. Everyone else: [high fives and then has sex]

DISGRASIAN: Dude, we get it. You've abandoned your child, sheesh.

Lauren Kirchner: Daniel-Day Lewis wins for Going The Longest Without a Shower.


Jake Goldman; Daniel Day-Lewis? More like Samuel Taylor Coleridge, right guys?!

Duncan Quirk: William Wordsworth is an ill-gotten son of a harlot!

Brandon Snider: History nerd alert!!!

Brad Taylor Negron: Daniel Day just imitated Yosemite Sam and won an Oscar!! Foghorn Leghorn is gonna be pissed......I said.

Lee Camp: I'm pissed Roger Clemens didn't win best male.

Brad Taylor Negron: It looked Like Harrison Ford wanted to stick a dollar in Diablo Cody panties...

11:40p Brad Taylor Negron: More Errands for the Coen Brothers. Move car. Buy tape. Get Oscar.

Lee Camp: This is the Academy's apology for overlooking Raising Arizona.

DISGRASIAN: Smoke weed. Look mildly annoyed.

11:45p Lee Camp: Whoa, bizarro Denzel!!

DISGRASIAN: Black people at the Oscars, part III!

Duncan Quirk: At least he's not singing.

DISGRASIAN: Pick up more Oscars. Look a little more mildly annoyed.

(No Country for Old Men wins best picture.)

Jake Goldman: Oh, finally this is over. Who wants to go find some kids to throw into moving cars?

Jake Goldman: Scott Rudin is about to throw his Oscar at one of his assistants. Sydney Pollack is not your friend, Scott Rudin!

Jake Golman:
I.
Tilda Swinton: [Drops Oscar and arm falls off with it] Oh, cool!
II.
John Travlota: Who wants to ride in my zeppelin?
Diablo Cody: I...Led...Zeppelin...?
[John Travolta shoots Diablo Cody with a tranquilizer gun]

Brandon Snider: What are we liveblogging next? I'm gonna miss you guys...

DISGRASIAN: Me too! Let's do it again, minus the awards show.

Lee Camp: Summary: Tonight there were no winners because we all watched this.

Jake Goldman: I'm still miffed at the Renfro-less tribute.

Brad Taylor Negron: Well done !~ Thank you....I am signing off.......That was fun......Eva Longoria is crying and I am going to rub her neck.

Jake Goldman: Goodnight. If anyone wants to come over to my place and write a new Step Up movie with me, come by. I have a lot of chips.

Brandon Snider: I have eaten my weight in cupcakes and pizza, and it's time to go. i love you all so much. Maybe next time we'll get into a little more cybering.